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Here I am, mates, David Attenborough style, narrating this wild beast — erotic-massage! Picture it, yeah, a calm, rhythmic dance of nature, hands gliding over skin like a bloody river over rocks. It’s primal, innit? Been around since forever — think ancient Rome, gladiators like me getting rubbed down after a fight, muscles aching, sweat dripping, and some sly bugger thought, “Oi, let’s make this sexy!” And bam, erotic-massage was born. Little known fact: them Egyptians did it too, with oils smelling like lotus and lust — hieroglyphs don’t lie!
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